My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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