even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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