I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
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