dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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