I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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