Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
