He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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