Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
