i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my being single is dangerous.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
