Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
