As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
