you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
