it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
