I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
