I accidentally had phone sex last night
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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