then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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