I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize