I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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