I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
