you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
