so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
