She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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