You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I understand Curling. That high.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
