my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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