Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
