The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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