omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
