There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
