Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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