I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
