You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
