New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
