my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
