just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
