i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
