I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
