I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
