the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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