you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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