She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
