I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize