Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
