My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
do herpes really smell.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just googled if crying burns calories
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
