Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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