You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
