I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize