Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
