just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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