Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
