Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
