maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
