I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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