i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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