Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
