my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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