remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
