I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
