HIV tests are more positive than that guy
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
