FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
