When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
