2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
