TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
