so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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