is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
