have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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