its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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