oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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