I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
