you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
