How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
