I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
