it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
