this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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