Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
