what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
