I puked a lego.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
