The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
