I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
