normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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