i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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