Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
it was like eating out sand paper
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
