my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
