On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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