Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
as a side note pls kill me
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
