like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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