Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
