apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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