Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize