i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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