i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
