At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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