So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
