She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
