New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
