That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
