I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
