her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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