wrigley field is MILF paradise
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
