My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
