my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
