i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize