I'm eating all of the evidence.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
